Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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