I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
