when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
