she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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