Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize