Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
