OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
