I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
