did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
