My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
