I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
