with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize