so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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