I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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