I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
