Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
