Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
