yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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