ya dads aren't the best wingmen
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
