Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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