What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
