No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
