If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
