I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
