Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i drank out of a bidet.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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