Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
