I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
