Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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