then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
