How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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