My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize