I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
