note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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