"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
