i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
