Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
