: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
