i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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