Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
