You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just found puke in my bra..
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize