White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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