let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
