Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
