Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
