I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
