Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
