$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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