I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize