The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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