Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
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