Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
