we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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