dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
