I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
3 2 1 whiskey
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize