worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
