Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
