Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I want to fling myself into the sun
I need to align my fucking chakras
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
