You did not just play the dead husband card again.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
