Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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