I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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