regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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