apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
worst night to have a conscience
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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