She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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