Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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