Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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