I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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