Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Your penis caused this!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
