I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
