Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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