Your mouth is God's brothel.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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