Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
