we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Randomize
