fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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