I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize