I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize