Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
