I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I think my nap took me to another dimension
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
