true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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