I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
