My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize