Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
