swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
