Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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