The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
