dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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