just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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