thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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