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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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