with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
