did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
