you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
