You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
