I heard we made out
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize