Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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