Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
