Got a toothbrush?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
