too bad you live with your parents still
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
