Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
not ubering you a puppy
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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