Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
