a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize