went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
